What If You Die In 2018?

So we survived another trip around the Sun! Yay 😑

Atleast some of us did, others probably thrived but hey, we made it.

And what better way to celebrate that but to rewind and replay the highlights of the year in our mind cable, right? And then do the next best thing, make some fuck-all resolutions 🙌

Isn't it funny how we almost convince ourselves that a single annual change in digits can potentially turn our lives around? We wait for a new year or a birthday to arrive to make some major changes in our lifestyle when we quite literally get this opportunity every damn day. And the reason why I think it is funny is because I can see the irony but has that stopped me from indulging in this cliché? Na-uh! Why?

They say, "All's well that ends well". So does that imply:

All's bad that ends bad?

Has to be. Why else is it so easy to brush off the good times as soon as something sours?

Speaking of bad endings, the last few weeks have been exceptionally draining for me and for the people around. Amidst casual discussions with my friend about how glad we were for all the hardships and tribulations we went and are going through we realized that we were not grumbling about it. Now, we usually reach this level of chill after the crisis has been (poorly) dealt with and then dissect the hell out of the situation! But we realized we were already talking about how epiphanous this year has been because of it. I would call that a happy change in a way, but it sure as hell came at a cost.

One of my favourite things to do when I would feel stuck is to imagine what I'd do if I knew I was about die in a given period of time. Probably sounds depressing, but it has, for the longest time, served as the necessary force to press that Resume button. I never really did it consciously, it's just something that seemed like a natural thing to do when you cannot get yourself to move.

But something changed this year and I totally forgot about my habit. As a result I ended up investing a considerable amount of time self-loathing, self-pitying but mostly being downright unproductive. Although the grim reaper loomed large in my brain, it no longer carried the spark that it used to. You can say that I started to take "living" for granted. Isn't it fucked up to think that you cannot essentially live a moment to it's full potential unless you can see an end point? 

Is that why we crave for closures so bad?

A lot of people I knew died in these last couple of weeks. Some of the deaths were anticipated, old age and all, but some were so shocking that it gives you that real sense of FOMO. That brought back the memories of my old habits and I realised the power of finitude, consciously this time.

The body decays but the soul lives on, they say. Is that because one lives through memories?

Isn't it unnerving to know that you have Zero control over how you are portrayed in one's memories once you are dead?

Isn't it terrifying and motivating at the same time to think that the only control you will ever have over your existence is now, while you still have your body! Shouldn't you cherish it and nourish it while you still can?

Make some resolutions (yes, resolutions) this new year like it is your last year on earth! See if it makes a difference. I'm betting it will. May be you will end up giving that extra effort over that thing you always procrastinated over.

May be you will finally start to live a little!

:(:

P.S. - I realise that I use "I realised.." a lot in my blogs. If I were to read my blog from a third person perspective, I would probably think that I'm a realisation whore of some sort. Like a tiny droplet could fall on my palm and my over-activated brain would realise something profound out of it. It's ridiculous! (Thank god for the bad memory though!) But kind of necessary too I guess....

P.P.S. - Thank you. Yes, YOU. Thanks for existing. Hope you have an eventful year ahead :)